Great all-time beer pong players

Abraham Lincoln

Before he entered politics, Lincoln was one of the most feared competitors on the Beer Pong Tour, known as "The Logsplitter". His combination of size and speed, along with a bitchin' stovepipe hat, made him a living legend. He was also President.

"The Real Lincoln-Douglas Debates:" Lincoln takes on Stephen A. Douglas in a game of "lob". The Supreme Court can be seen watching in the background.

Strengths:

• Was 6'4"; Had long reach
• "Stovepipe Smash" was an unstoppable signature move

Weakness:

• Had slow reflexes. This also might have kept him from getting shot, but that's not as important.

Michaelangelo

A genius who was so far ahead of his time that he played beer pong before beer pong had been invented. This is not his fault, as ping pong had not yet been invented either. His drawings of beer pong matches proved to be eerily accurate centuries later.

This painting, entitled "Creation of Beer Pong", can be seen in the basement of the Sistene Chapel, next to the stop sign that Michaelangelo and his buddies stole while they were drunk.

Strengths:

• Ambidextrous
• A paintbrush and a ping pong paddle are pretty much the same thing, really

Weakness:

• No opponents to practice against

George Washington

Teachers are fond of telling the story of how George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Potomac river. This never took place. However, if you replace "silver dollar" with "ping pong ball" and "the Potomac river" with "a ping pong table and into a cup of beer," then you would have a true story.

George Washington defends his British Colonies Beer Pong Championship at the 1772 Beer Pong Open in Virginia.

Strengths:

• Experience as a general made him an ideal partner for doubles
• Come on, he was the president. Who was going to try to beat him?

Weakness:

• Big hair obstructed vision.

Gandhi

Self-explanatory.

Gandhi prepares to return his opponent's serve (peacefully, of course) in the semifinals of the First Annual Indian Subcontinent Beer Pongapalooza.

Strengths:

• Lean figure enabled him to move quickly
• Peaceful nature lulled opponents into false sense of security

Weakness:

• Lightweight. Two consecutive games would have Gandhi passed out.

Albert Einstein

Pioneered the most important beer pong-related equation ever, E=MC², where E equals the energy of a shot, M equals the mass of the hitter, and C equals the number of cans already consumed.

Einstein demonstrates the "Goofy limp-wristed" style that was his trademark in his prime years.

Strengths:

• Could predict the angle and momentum of a shot before it left his opponent's paddle
• German; Could play 16 games without feeling effects of alcohol.

Weakness:

• Extended slump forced him into early retirement from beer pong and into nuclear physics.